I'm writing an essay on the topic " Contributing to the community" and I was wondering what you guy think if I start my first sentence like this.
Everyone in their life had made some world-shattering contributions to the community.These significant additions help us determine our world and destiny.
-If there anything you think I should add/change, please do tell me. Thanks
Faulty pronoun. Everyone is singular. Their is plural and needs a plural antecedent.
I don't think contributing to a community is world-shaking.
"determine our world and destiny" is too vague.
Please try again.
Starting your essay with a strong and attention-grabbing opening sentence is important. However, the sentence you proposed could benefit from a few modifications to make it more effective. Here's a revised version:
"Throughout history, individuals have made profound contributions to their communities, shaping the world and forging our collective destiny."
In this revised sentence, I replaced "Everyone in their life had made" with "Throughout history, individuals have made," as it provides a more inclusive and accurate statement. Additionally, I removed "world-shattering contributions" and replaced it with "profound contributions," as the former might be seen as hyperbolic. Finally, I rephrased the ending to make the sentence more concise and impactful.
Remember that your introduction should provide a broad overview of the topic while capturing the readers' attention. Additionally, it is crucial to maintain consistency in your essay's tone and style throughout. Good luck with your essay!