Read this excerpt from a student’s analytical essay.
The nursery rhymes that Alice recites in the story come true afterward, which is really weird and interesting to me.
Which is the best revision of this informal sentence?
Some of the nursery rhymes recited by Alice may be familiar to readers, because they are well-known.
The weirdness of the nursery rhymes coming to life after Alice recites them needs to be remembered.
It is especially significant that nursery rhymes come true after Alice recites them.
I cannot believe that nursery rhymes actually happen after Alice recites them to herself.
NOBODY ANSWERED LMAO ITS BEEN A YEAR
The best revision of this informal sentence is:
"Some of the nursery rhymes recited by Alice may be familiar to readers, because they are well-known."
This revision improves the sentence by making it more formal and removing the personal opinion of the writer ("weird and interesting to me"). It also provides additional information by mentioning that the nursery rhymes may be familiar to readers because they are well-known.
To determine the best revision, consider the following:
1. Remove personal opinions: When revising a sentence, it is generally best to remove personal opinions unless they are specifically required or relevant to the topic of the essay.
2. Maintain a formal tone: Analytical essays typically require a formal writing style. Therefore, it is important to revise informal language and replace it with more appropriate and academic language.
3. Provide additional information: Revisions should aim to enhance the content of the sentence by providing more details or relevant information to support the main point or thesis statement of the essay.
Applying these considerations, the revised sentence provides a more appropriate and informative statement for an analytical essay.