Expository essay prompt:

Describe the evolution of communication in the last 20 years since the advent of the Internet.

Note: I wrote the essay in 15 minutes.
Please give me some feedback and rate my essay from 1 (lowest to 5 ( highest).

My essay:

In today's world, it is common for people to look down at the their iPhones or smartphones all the time. With the advent of the Internet, people tend to have more indirect social interaction, rather than in-person social interaction.

The use of the Internet can significantly decrease social interaction. For instance, students these days often e-mail to professors to ask questions instead of meeting the professor in person. Additionally, students would use google to find answers to their questions instead if using the professor. Even more, some university's tutoring services offer on-line tutoring, thereby resulting in less social interaction.

Besides more indirect social interaction occurring between the students and the professor or tutors, the same thing can occur in one's family. For example, instead of physically sending a hardcopy letter or making direct phone calls, some people post their invitation on Facebook and have the guests mark yes, no, or maybe if they would attend the party. Not only does the reliance of the Internet eliminates direct social interaction, but it can also cause problems for individuals without Facebook.

Although the Internet does have its advantages, such as providing more resources for students and providing convenience, it does have some drawbacks. Perhaps the major drawback is that people are no longer connected at a personal level. This implies that professors would not have adequate knowledge about their student to provide letter of recommendation. Even more, an over reliance of the Internet can lead others without access to the Internet or social networks to feeling excluded. With that being said, it is important for people these days to balance their social interaction.

How about people (young and older) who are physically with other people (family, friends) for a meal or some other reason, but spend their time checking email, texting, etc., instead of conversing with the people they are with in person?

Again, this is pretty good Check your grammar, though.

:)

Overall, your essay provides a decent overview of the evolution of communication in the last 20 years since the advent of the Internet. Here are some specific areas you could consider improving:

1. Structure: The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. It would be helpful to start with a catchy introduction that engages the reader's attention and ends with a strong conclusion summarizing your main points.

2. Development of ideas: Each paragraph could be expanded further to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. For example, when discussing the use of email and Google for communication, you could provide specific examples of how this has impacted student-professor interactions.

3. Organization: The paragraphs could be better organized. It would be helpful to focus on one main idea per paragraph and provide clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your essay.

4. Clarity and cohesion: Some sentences are a bit unclear and could be revised to improve readability. Additionally, there could be clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to create a smoother flow.

5. Inclusion of counterarguments: While you touch upon some of the drawbacks of the Internet, it would be beneficial to include and refute counterarguments to strengthen your overall argument.

Overall, I would rate your essay a 3 out of 5. With some revisions and improvements, it has the potential to be a stronger and more persuasive piece of writing.

Overall, your essay provides some insights into the evolution of communication since the advent of the Internet. However, there are a few areas that can be improved.

Firstly, it would be helpful to provide some background information on the advent of the Internet and its impact on communication. This could include mentioning the year when the Internet became widely accessible to the public and its initial uses as a communication tool. By setting this historical context, you can show the reader how communication has evolved over the last 20 years.

Next, it would be beneficial to provide specific examples and evidence to support your points. For instance, instead of just stating that people tend to have more indirect social interaction, you can provide specific examples of how this manifests in different contexts, such as education and family communication. You briefly mention emailing professors and online tutoring, but expanding on these examples would strengthen your argument.

Additionally, it would be helpful to acknowledge the positive aspects of communication evolution enabled by the Internet. While you mention the advantages of more resources for students and convenience, you could further elaborate on how the Internet has facilitated global communication, allowed for the sharing of ideas and information on a larger scale, and even created new forms of communication such as social media.

Finally, your essay could benefit from a more structured and coherent organization. Consider dividing your essay into paragraphs or sections to address different aspects or influences on communication, such as education, personal relationships, and social networks. This will make your essay easier to read and follow.

Based on the content of your essay, I would rate it a 3 out of 5. It provides some insights but could benefit from more development in terms of examples, organization, and acknowledging both the positives and negatives of the evolution of communication.